Saturday, 13 August 2011

My Suicide Note: Dilemma of Death

   "Tell me the easiest and most painless way" (I have had many) I said to Sunny.
   "But why do want to die I mean if I was in your place I would have given party at highway glory.." said Sunny who was enjoying pastry with Pia his girl friend.
   "Oh really, My father is already giving a lots of them" I replied.
   "You are gone crazy man you have got 87%, I mean that's really great thing, I mean there are very few people in the world who gets such a great percentage in SSC, look at Pia she got only 60% but  still she is so cool" said Sunny.
    I didn't know that. But still after all she is a girl things are different for them I think Indian parents are happy when their girls don't get higher percentage I mean then they have an excuse for they cannot spent money on her education. But there are very few lucky parents like that.
    "Ya that's right.." said Pia (Happy or being humiliated don't know).
    "I can't see their faces Sunny, They are expecting me to go in I.T like my uncle and all" I said.
    "So what??" he asked.
    "SO WHAT?? So there is only 20% reservation for OBC which means near about 12.5 and my rank is 289 in merit list HOW THE F@#K AM I GOING TO GET IT??"  I replied.
    "That's a serious issue dude.. and for that you deserve a cold drink, Janu can you please get us three sprite's" said Sunny (How hard it is to be a girl friend of a super-stud super good-looking guy I just can't imagine).
     Pia stood up and went towards the counter to order for us happily (or must have been cursing us after turning away). Today eternity mall was't so crowded with people there were some old peoples, some businessmen guys waiting for others and few couples (who are always there, Are they paid for that??) in the cafeteria on first floor of eternity mall.
     As she went away I put down my head on my fist and began to cry. Sunny must have noticed that before that's why he sent her away (You know girls can't see any one crying and no one can see girls crying with two boys with her).
     " I am finished Sunny, There is no way now. I can't even tell my parents about that and also if I dare to tell then there is nothing good in it. Tell me the easiest way to die should I jump from here or sleep on the road or on the railway track on loha-Pul (Iron bridge), or should I drink something like... or.." I said.
     "You already have so many ideas adopt any one " he said chuckling.
     Well my this dilemma in my mind have came out and had reached a completely unemployed jobless  worthless to live on earth old women. (Now it was her turn)
     "What are you a friend or what your friend is asking to commit suicide and you are helping him finding ideas rather than stopping him" she shouted at Sunny.
     (He wanted party look it started)
     "Excuse me are you talking to.." said Sunny.
     "Yes MORON I'm talking to you" said the old women (Grand-Mother India).
     "You bloody young generation cannot handle even a truck blowing your bike.. I wanna die.. are you a girl or what" said the women. Now entire lobby was surrounding me I was still head down on my hands.
     Another old man joined the party (Must be the old woman's boy friend)  "Is that your girl friend who left you don't be tensed dude she'll be back I'll talk to her" (Now I'm sure he is).
     The business men guys also came closer and one of them said "Look boy there are many hurdles yet to come in your life like how are you going to convince your parents her parents and you are crushed by his not good man come on get up and chill out".
     (Where is it going. These elders (idiots) think that we don't have any other problems.)  My head was paining and the energy surrounding me was turning into penetrating. They were testing my patience. I was in no mood to listen to this kind of old philosophy class. I stood up and started moving away. There was a military old man (or old military man whatever it is) who was silent and having coffee. I don't know what happened to him like a bee dropped into his coffee or what he just stood up and yelled.
     "Where are you going coward going to die you know you deserve it."
    (Oh boy....)
     That was the end. I turned around.
     "What I am a coward and what the f@#k are you SHAKTIMAAN. You bloody mother f@#kers do you know how hard it is not to get out of your house for an entire year, how hard it is to break connection with the entire world and get arrested into books for just f@#king you you people think that studding all night and scoring great marks is the only thing your children are supposed to do. Do you have the right to say that you a$$hole."
      "And we are the pets, pets to study, pets not to play pets not to do any thing and at last is what the f@#king 20% reservation and don't tell me that 87% is not so good type of category.But no then you will say
if you would have scored 5% more things would be different.. Is that so easy. we are suffering of corruption right from the primary levels."
      "I want to ask you some thing do SC, ST, NT and of course OPEN students don't go to school, Do they don't have the same books do they have alien teachers don't they get marks then what is the F@#king need of the reservation. If I am number 289 on merit list then just give the 289th seat na.. why there is a f@#king mathematics of 20% between it. You say I don't have the courage OK I don't have it if you have just go and change this f@#king system then talk to me until then just shut the F@#K up and drink your coffee."
      Every one was looking at me as I was SUBHASH CHANDRA BOSE asking for blood (of course in return he assured independence) I turned back and stepped on the elevator. My eyes were filled with tears who were struggling to come out. I went into to the parking lot sat on my Dio and cried my heart out.



  1. I can understand how it feels.. gone thru this situation once in my life.. but dude i think the government should be replaced first in India and then we can talk about other issues...

  2. I agree with you Ranii... Government should be changed but have you ever noticed that in last 62 years there have been near about 12-13 governments but none have raised this issue, Because they know that reservations once eliminated would in turn eliminate their votes from that specific part or community of the society.
    So I think we are in need of such a government that should be selfless, transparent and whose prime objective should be well being of people..